Death to “If Only….”

So I was thinking about time travel earlier and I was asking myself that serious, deep question we all have asked ourselves at one point: If I had a time machine, where would I go and would I change anything? (Stop laughing! I actually think about this stuff, okay?!) I thought about the usual: Kill Hitler, find out what REALLY happened to the lost village of Roanoke, retake a test, and of course; Find the Doctor and T.A.R.D.I.S.!

And then I asked myself a different question: If I could change anything about my past, would I and if so, what? I still can’t decide whether or not to give little 11-year-old me a hope speech or slap my 13-year-old self in the face for being an annoying know-it-all.
But unfortunately I can’t do either because our lives are one seemingly cruel game of ‘Cause and Effect’
If I gave my 11-year-old self a pep talk, then I never would’ve learned to put my trust in God and well, there’s also the fact I would’ve been totally creeped out and screamed instead of listened.
And if I slapped my 13-year-old self-beside the fact that I would’ve caused one heck of a paradox!- I never would’ve realized on my own that:
1) Know it all’s are super annoying and a huge turn-off
2) That we are finite creatures with finite minds that on the large scale of things has the comprehensive abilities of a 5-year-old so we have no business whatsoever waltzing around like we know even a fraction of everything.

What I’ve been through has made me who I am and what our world has been through has shaped it exactly how it’s supposed to be. I’m not saying what’s going on in our world is right or fair, cause it’s not. Even my own life has never been fair. And because of that I understand that everything follows a constant pattern. A pattern that’s messy and chaotic, no doubt. But underlying that is a work of art in the making. I don’t understand how, and most of the time I don’t like the world I’m being forced to adapt to. But I also know that we can’t dwell on the ‘If Only’s’

I’m also extremely tired so it’s probably a mistake to publish this when it was written this late. But I’m going to do it anyway cause my judgment is currently impaired! Wheeeeeee! Yeah, so, um, enjoy I guess. Yeah…I need sleep and- zzzzzzzzz (;


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