Lessons Learned in 2015: Fear

151,000 people died yesterday. Around another 151,000 people will die today. So many people who never saw today, many more who will never see tomorrow. When the Paris attacks happened and images were released, stories of death and horror told, it all just hit me so hard, you know? So many people, all of Paris woke up that day, thinking they were going to see tomorrow, thought their city would be the same. But it’s not and so many had to spend their first Christmas without a part of their family…because their brother or sister or parent or cousin…is dead. And with this growing threat, what city will be next?

And as much as all this wants me to go curl up in bed and never live, on the other hand, it pushes me to make every moment count. I feel like I’m wasting my time. Every second I live is one more second than those who die today have and I feel like I, oh I don’t know?! Should be doing something and be something grander than I am right now. We all have the same amount of time each day. And we wake up everyday pretending like we have time to waste, but we don’t. We never know when the last bit of sand is going to fall from the hourglass.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as scared as Hell on a Sunday, and maybe I always will be. My entire life has been some roller coaster that won’t let me off. But I just, I refuse to believe that we are supposed to live our lives as timid beings. Always afraid of what’s lurking in the shadows. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of love. So we’re not supposed to spend our lives afraid of natural disasters, the government, terrorist groups, hell, the apocalypse  of all things.

Yes it may happen, but if you die because of it, do you want to die knowing that you failed to live? Failed to tell your parents that you appreciate all they’ve done for you? Failed to tell your siblings or friends or spouses how much you love them? Missed out on your kids lives all because you let yourself get wrapped up in “What If?!” Your death is a guaranteed thing. It’s going to happen. But your life is full of endless possibilities. Don’t throw those away.

I’ve realized this year how much I let fear creep its way in and wrap its dark hands around my heart. I abhor how much I’ve let everything that’s transpired keep me from living. I don’t want my life to be just a series of statistics. I don’t want them to define me. 1 in every 103 people have Celiac Disease. I was that 1 in 103. And I feel like thus far, my life has been some series of statistics that could be used to sum me up. I don’t want my life to be a circle or a series of circles. Life should be a climb, one should always be reaching upwards, attaining to see more, do more, BE MORE. And yeah, it’s hard, and scary, and maybe even dangerous…but oh the view we’ll have once we’re up on top.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this years series! It’s been a ton of fun to write and I really look forward to seeing what lessons I’ll learn next year! Tomorrows post will be called “Reflections” so I hope you come back tomorrow to read that! Happy New Year!

Read the rest of the series:

Lessons Learned in 2015: Forward
Lessons Learned in 2015: Flux
Lessons Learned in 2015: Friendship

Interested in last years series?

Lessons Learned in 2014: Confidence
Lessons Learned in 2014: Change
Lessons Learned in 2014: Loneliness
Lessons Learned in 2014: Strength

 

 

 

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