Monthly Archives: February 2016

Current Status: Senoritis

I did a few personal posts back when I first started this blog and since I cannot find it in me to write a huge, deep thoughts post, I’m once again going to do something similar. As you can probably gather from the title, I’m suffering from Senoritis. I am SO close to finishing High School and it’s driving me crazy because I just want to be done already! I’ll be graduating Mid-May so I have about 2 months, 2 weeks to go! The rest of all this is just going to be an update on whats been going on in my life recently so don’t feel obligated to read any of this!

Anyways, this past Saturday, I FINALLY heard back from the honors program and if you follow me on Instagram (@kate_cruz17), you will already know that I did not get in. (You can read my essay here.) I’m actually not as disappointed as I initially thought I would be because I know I can apply again after my first semester and I also know that there will be plenty of opportunities for me, wherever I go. Also, I would like to thank y’all for actually caring about whether or not I got in and for encouraging me throughout the very long waiting process! xoxo

Also on Saturday, I got to, once again, attend Winter Jam! For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s a Christian concert comprised of 10 bands who tour the east coast every winter. This year was my 7th year attending. Meaning I was only 11 years old when I first went!

And then today, (Sunday) I received a Presidents Volunteer Service Award for all the hours of volunteer work I’ve put in at a nearby Science Museum. It felt like a well timed reminder that I can make a difference, despite not getting into the honors program. I was once again reminded that life is what you make of it and even though I didn’t get in (and very well may never), there are still things I can achieve. Important things that can one day change the world.

 But the best part was watching my friend, receive her award. She’d been volunteering at the museum for 9 years but couldn’t make it today because she was in the hospital. Because of her spine, (I don’t know what the disease is called) she’s in a wheelchair and has had kidney failure amongst a number of other things. So she’s always in and out of the hospital. Since she couldn’t be there with us, I called her up on Skype so she could at least see everything that was going on.

The Volunteer Coordinator was giving out awards and such and then saved hers for last because we were waiting for one of the employees spouse to get to her room in the hospital. And right when he announced that she had won the award, the spouse walked into her  hospital room with her certificate and a ton of balloons. We all started cheering and she was laughing/crying and it was the sweetest thing to witness. We were all so proud of her and how she still manages to come to the museum with a smile on her face, despite her health.

Oh and I’m pretty sure I’ve only mentioned this on Instagram, but in a month or two (I haven’t set a definite date), I’ll be publishing a collection of 50 of my poems! The book will be called “Like a Lotus” and I can’t wait to see the finished product! There have been a few requests from friends of mine to publish my poetry, but I’m hoping the rest of y’all will buy a copy as well.


Hope you all have a lovely week! ~Kate

(I’m trying to get on a blogging schedule again and will hopefully have another post on Friday!)



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No Longer An Observer

I’ve spent most of my 17 years here on Earth observing humanity. I watched all of you as a whole live out your lives in a frenzied state. As though you were all rushing toward something but didn’t even know what you were rushing towards. Or that you were even rushing. I watched with indifference the events of this world play out. The Uprisings, the rebellions, the differences of opinions. Such odd things, we humans. We hold onto the past as though it’s something we must keep, ignore the present, as though it didn’t exist, and the future…ah that’s what really scares us, doesn’t it?

I was that kid that sat at a table all by myself. Always sat in the corners of the room as though I was more like another object in the room rather than an actual person. I brought a book everywhere with me so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. And I would watch. And listen. I wanted to be invisible. And we often become something just by believing we are, so eventually invisible is what I became. I existed but I never lived. I existed in some 5th dimension. I was there, but not at the same time.

Now there are two things we all want. Or so it seems. First, we all want to be remembered. Second, we all (for the most part) want to belong. Just one of those things in itself is weird. Seeing as our lives on the grand scale are shorter than a mayfly, but both? Impossible. We are incapable of making a difference and still fitting into a group or a collective group of people. We, of course, can stand out with a group. Each member being unique. But wanting to fit in is so unambitious in my opinion.

Now as for wanting to be remembered….well the funny thing about the whole situation is that we want to make a difference, change the world, but we’re all afraid to do it. We all look around, wide eyed at one another like a bunch of little kids. We’re all too afraid to become someone worth remembering. And to me, that’s heartbreaking.

I’m not looking down upon anyone, if anything, I’m addressing myself. At least others tried. Me? I didn’t even try. I figured that whatever happened, happened. That was the end of it. That was just an excuse. I would just keep to myself and read stories. About people changing the world.

But the thing about all these stories that we’ve been reading and telling, it doesn’t matter that they aren’t true. It doesn’t matter that the great heroes of literature don’t exist. That they’ll fade once we do. What matters are the people who wrote them. Who dreamed of worlds where battles of good vs evil took place. Who dreamed of wild adventures and epic journeys. Who hoped and believed that it was possible for someone so great to not only exist in this world, but have the courage to leave it little better than they found it. Isn’t that all any of us can hope to do? And maybe the people who wrote them were just as scared as we are now. Scared of rejection, wanting so badly to be remembered. And they are.

And to us readers, well the authors already did their part by writing such inspiring stories…but what about us? Could we leave the world a little better than we found it? I expect so. I’ve begun to realize that just because something hasn’t been done before, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. And that as Christians, we pretty much deal with the impossible. I know atheists who are making the world a better place, lessening the suffering of others…far more than a lot of Christians I have met.

The world is full of pain and suffering. Death and destruction. Light is being drained from people’s souls. Do you face it? Will you change it? We’re given the opportunity every single day of our lives to lessen the suffering of others…but do you ever stop to take those chances? Probably not. I mean how often do you smile? Hold the door open for someone? Offer a word of encouragement? The truth of the matter is that we’re all too caught up in our own little worlds, too busy, too shy, too ‘broken’ to help others.

Still don’t think you can’t make a difference? I want you to picture the person you admire most in the world. Maybe they’ve inspired you, lifted you, encouraged you. Maybe they’re your spouse, sibling, parent, best friend.

Now I want you to picture how life would be like if they didn’t exist.

All it really takes is one.

This is your life. You are not the victim of it. And that’s something I wish I’d learned earlier. And maybe this post won’t make a difference to any of y’all, but writing it has for me. I’ll forever look back upon this when I feel like my voice can’t change anything. Because I can change the world. All of us can.

But the real question here is:

Will we?

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