You know how in super hero movies, towards the end, there’s also some bit of voice over where the now recently realized hero talks about what’s next and how unexpected his heroes journey was? That’s how I feel right now. Like I’ve come to terms and processed everything that’s happened and now I’m dramatically gazing out unto a city from the top of a skyscraper, wondering what lovely and marvelous things are in my future. And I wish I could hit a pause button and capture who I am in this moment because it’s all about to change.
I remember one of the last times I felt this way. It was the summer between 9th and 10th grade and I was in Louisville, Kentucky, on the balcony of a hotel, gazing out at the horizon as the sun set over the Ohio River. And I was thinking about how everything was going to change and wondering who I’d be in the summer between 12th grade and college. Well, now I know. I’m a little more sure of myself. I know who I am, and now I have more courage to pursue what I want. I’m not sure where 14 year old me went, she slipped softly into the night as my voice grew stronger, braver than hers.
I swear a lifetime has passed since I was gazing out at that river and now it’s come full circle as I’m now left wondering how much I will change in the future. Lesson learned? There is no end to the marvelous things that can happen, if only we are open to change.
The future is uncertain, yes, but at least this time I have a clearer view of what I want and where I’m headed. In just a few days, (June 20th) I’ll be launching a second blog called ‘Philomath Maniac’ where I’ll be blogging about tips to study better, good sites to learn and learning resources/books I’ve enjoyed. I have pretty big plans for that blog so all of that is just the beginning. I also may have an opportunity to give a TED talk so that’s pretty exciting! I should be hearing back about that in a few days.
And last month, I came out with my first poetry book called “Like A Lotus”!
Basically life is a lot different from last year and it’s been hard to wrap my mind around it sometimes. I look forward to seeing what continues to happen and what the rest of this year holds. I’ll be moving to college on August 18th and it wasn’t until freshmen orientation last week that this fact fully sunk in. And the funny thing is, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m just excited. I kinda got to see my room. Well….more like I pressed my face up against the glass door and was able to see the door of my room… but it was still an exciting experience regardless!
As a teenager, naturally I’ve heard a lot about how being an adult sucks. But maybe like everything I’ve experienced thus far, it’s not completely good or bad…it’s just different, and all we can do is learn to be okay with that and learn to take life as it comes. And maybe the scariest thing about being an adult is the uncertainty, the lack of control in the parts of our life that we’re taught that we should have all figured out by 18. So truthfully, all I have are plans. I’m not sure what comes next. But I’m learning to be okay with that because life is life. It’s exciting, scary, and full of change. But to me, that’s what makes it so great.