Tag Archives: change

30 Things I Love About Being Alive

It has been awhile since I have made a long list. Actually, I think the last one I wrote for this blog was “10 Weird Things About Me”. I just don’t want to forget all the beautiful reasons for living and all the things I love so here goes nothing!

  1. Sunday afternoons
  2. The way the night sky looks in winter/summer
  3. Sleeping at Last’ songs. All of them.
  4. late-night conversations
  5. laughing so hard that it hurts
  6. making art
  7. writing
  8. road trips
  9. good books
  10. understanding complex things
  11. exploring new places
  12. and rediscovering old ones
  13. the smell of autumn
  14. the warm sun on my face after a long winter
  15. libraries
  16. learning something new
  17. a cup of peppermint tea
  18. wild blackberries warmed by the sun
  19. being able to help people
  20. smiling without caring how crooked my smile is
  21. listening to stories
  22. thunderstorms
  23. finding beauty in the simple things
  24. and understanding the complex
  25. Chinese food
  26.  bad puns
  27. changing my mind
  28. movies that add meaning to my life
  29. comfortable silence
  30. making lists

 

What do like most about being alive?

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Looking Forward: What’s Next

You know how in super hero movies, towards the end, there’s also some bit of voice over where the now recently realized hero talks about what’s next and how unexpected his heroes journey was? That’s how I feel right now. Like I’ve come to terms and processed everything that’s happened and now I’m dramatically gazing out unto a city from the top of a skyscraper, wondering what lovely and marvelous things are in my future. And I wish I could hit a pause button and capture who I am in this moment because it’s all about to change.

I remember one of the last times I felt this way. It was the summer between 9th and 10th grade and I was in Louisville, Kentucky, on the balcony of a hotel, gazing out at the horizon as the sun set over the Ohio River. And I was thinking about how everything was going to change and wondering who I’d be in the summer between 12th grade and college. Well, now I know. I’m a little more sure of myself. I know who I am, and now I have more courage to pursue what I want. I’m not sure where 14 year old me went, she slipped softly into the night as my voice grew stronger, braver than hers.

I swear a lifetime has passed since I was gazing out at that river and now it’s come full circle as I’m now left wondering how much I will change in the future. Lesson learned? There is no end to the marvelous things that can happen, if only we are open to change.

The future is uncertain, yes, but at least this time I have a clearer view of what I want and where I’m headed. In just a few days, (June 20th) I’ll be launching a second blog called ‘Philomath Maniac’ where I’ll be blogging about tips to study better, good sites to learn and learning resources/books I’ve enjoyed. I have pretty big plans for that blog so all of that is just the beginning. I also may have an opportunity to give a TED talk so that’s pretty exciting! I should be hearing back about that in a few days.

And last month, I came out with my first poetry book called “Like A Lotus”!
Basically life is a lot different from last year and it’s been hard to wrap my mind around it sometimes. I look forward to seeing what continues to happen and what the rest of this year holds. I’ll be moving to college on August 18th and it wasn’t until freshmen orientation last week that this fact fully sunk in. And the funny thing is, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m just excited. I kinda got to see my room. Well….more like I pressed my face up against the glass door and was able to see the door of my room… but it was still an exciting experience regardless!

As a teenager, naturally I’ve heard a lot about how being an adult sucks. But maybe like everything I’ve experienced thus far, it’s not completely good or bad…it’s just different, and all we can do is learn to be okay with that and learn to take life as it comes. And maybe the scariest thing about being an adult is the uncertainty, the lack of control in the parts of our life that we’re taught that we should have all figured out by 18. So truthfully, all I have are plans. I’m not sure what comes next. But I’m learning to be okay with that because life is life. It’s exciting, scary, and full of change. But to me, that’s what makes it so great.


 

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Looking Back (advice to high schoolers)

I’m not really one for looking back. Actually, if you were to ask some of my closest friends, they would probably say I never look back. I’m very future-oriented. I’m more than ready to put the past behind me and focus on college and all the many opportunities that will bring into my life. I don’t believe in dwelling in the past so it feels strange to be doing this at all, but a recent youth group gathering got me thinking about a few things. This past Sunday, my youth group leaders spent the evening focusing on all of us seniors in the group. They’d put together a list of questions for all of us, advice and such we would like others and our younger selves to know. I actually wrote a similar post about advice to younger me so today I’m doing something a little different. So this is for my high school readers, specifically a friend of mine, Esther. I read once that we should always have someone in mind to write for so this one is for you.

Dear Esther, (and other high schoolers)

Learn broadly and intensely. And I don’t mean just for school, I mean read good books and have late, 2 am conversations with people you love about anything and everything (i.e. I once stayed up till 3 in the morning discussing what were the MBTI types of all the characters on “Gilmore girls” with my sister). Learn about different cultures and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. And I know right at your age, understanding and loving a lot makes you stand out, and not always in a positive way (believe me, I know!), but you will be a more interesting and well-rounded person because of it.

Another thing to remember is that high school is not the ‘best time of your life’. It’s just time, and like all time, you need to decide how you want to spend it. And, it gets better, it really does. I know it may not feel that way sometimes, but it’s called a life cycle for a reason. Good times roll around along with the bad.

I would also like to remind you to believe in yourself more. And I know how hard it is because you have all these thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears and it seems like just because there’s a ‘1’ in your age, that people (okay, fine, ADULTS)  will use that as an excuse to deny you respect and validation as a human who is capable of doing things and you’re given ten billion reasons to hate yourself and to lose faith in what you can do. But please, please, don’t. You will figure out who you are and it’s a long, messy process so be patient with yourself.

Don’t give up and don’t underestimate all the amazing things you are capable of. This is something I have struggled with throughout high school. I never really believed in myself. I let myself live by a long list of all the things I couldn’t do.

Also, forgive yourself when you mess up. Because you will. A lot. But just remember that it’s okay to change. It’s okay to change your habits or your hair or your clothes. Most importantly, it’s okay to change the way you think. You don’t have to hold certain opinions just because your peers, or even your parents do. (For example, I am a feminist.)
It is important though not to waver in your integrity. Test yourself and everything in your life by asking: “Is this right for me personally?”

Be a leader. You don’t have to be loud and commanding to do so. My mom would always tell me to set the example and that actions speak louder than words. And so with everything, I try to ask myself: “Am I making things better by saying/doing/behaving like this….or am I just making it worse?”

But on the other hand, if you have to choose between ‘helping’ someone at the expense of harming yourself (either mentally or physically), choose to protect yourself. Know your limits. Know what kind of people are good for you and what people are toxic. For example, I know/have known a lot of people with mental illnesses. I’ve learned that I can help people with depression/anxiety without harming myself. But not a lot of people can. But anxiety is where I draw the line. I can’t deal with anyone with bi-polar, sociopathic, narcissistic, tendencies. And then there are just some people that are toxic for other reasons.

Be open to meeting new people. Please don’t form cliques. Just don’t. Not only does it exclude others, but you’re harming yourself by blocking yourself off from many learning opportunities. Speaking of learning, learn from anything and everything. Learn both from the mistakes and triumphs of all those around you. No one is ever completely wrong or completely right.

And lastly, I want you to remember that nothing is ever irreparably damaged. There will, of course, be days where you feel like a fragile glass figurine and all it will take is a touch or a word to crack you into a billion pieces and you’ll be lying in bed, staring at the ceiling (maybe crying), and wondering if this chaos and pain is some inevitable chain that will forever keep on twisting tighter around your heart. But it’ll get better, you’ll grow stronger, I promise. And along with those dark days, they’ll be some moments that you’ll want to live over and over again because they’ll leave you full of hope and a grand love for life. That’s just life. Simultaneously perfect and horrid at the same time. Hold it all close to you because all these moments will soon be a fleeting wisp of what once was, and someday, you’ll look back (much like what I’m doing right now), and be in absolute awe of how everything came together.


 

 

 

 

 

 

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